in memory of...

Christmas Tree

You sounded a little angry with me
Before we said good-bye
I knew it's because you weren't feeling well
But you didn't have to lie

You said you were ok
At 6:30 that night
But really you lied to me
You knew you weren't alright

I should have known it too
I just wasn't thinking too clear
I was waiting for some friends to come over
To spread some Holiday cheer

The only thing I remember that day
Was the conversation between you and I
Because I was spreading Holiday cheer
Smoking dope, getting high

I do remember telling my friends
What if my dad dies tonight?
They just said to me, "You shouldn't think like that
Your dad will be alright."

So I brushed off that thought
And continued on, getting high
My dad was just a little sick
But he wasn't going to die!


I carried on with my day
Planning to visit dad tomorrow
Little did I know
That day would be filled with sorrow

That morning when I woke up
Someone called my phone
It was my step mom, she was crying
"Lisa, your daddy's gone!"

You can't imagine the shock
Or the pain I felt inside
As emptiness consumed me, I wished
That it were me who died

When I got home later that night
All I could do was cry
I should have went to see my dad
Instead I chose to get high

How selfish I am, I hate myself
Nothing makes sense to me
I can't have Christmas without my dad
So I tore down the Christmas tree!

I hate Christmastime
I'm so scared and afraid
This is the price I have to pay
For the decision that I made

My dad was sick, he needed me
And I just let him die
I will never forgive myself
Cause I had to get high

Well time has passed and things have changed
It's already been a year
But I still can't put up the Christmas tree
Or spread Christmas cheer

Christmas still comes every year
And I get really sad
The lights, the gifts, the music
It means NOTHING without you dad!

Now eight years have passed
And more things have changed for me
Now I have another dad
He died too, you see

Through His death he gave me life
Now things are more clear
And it's not the lights, gifts or music
That makes the Holiday cheer

All the love He bestowed upon us
Was proven at the cross
He brings me comfort and great peace
When I am at a loss

I spoke with Him the other day
About this Christmas "fear"
I want to lay it down so much
And restore my Christmas cheer

My precious daddy, there's one more thing
I want to say before I go
This one thing is real important
And I need for you to know

I can do all things
Through Christ who strengthens me
I'm not afraid anymore
I even put up the Christmas tree

In Loving Memory
Harold Dean Smith
I miss you daddy!